Teddy Tales

•  Not wanting anything, especially material goods and money
• Ignoring people and getting frustrated with what would not normally irritate a normal person
• Self inflicted pain without gaining social or mental satisfaction
• Trying strange things in the hope that it may give you temporary satisfaction e.g hitting yourself, fooling yourself into believing you are satisfied or insane which gives you satisfaction
•  No longer talking, having lost hope and having no enthusiasm or motivation towards anything

 Even if those signs of empytness doesnt really apply to me, sumhow it is still in there. Those who frequently check friendster, blog online, or do anything such as searching tru the net to find for interesting stuff eg: search youtube for any funny videos to watch, do u feel so? Maybe u din even realise, but think, why are u doing all this? Is is a habit? Is is becuz of your frens? Or jz mainly to be updated, to follow the trend? I duno, but im doin these( blog on9 n frenster) becuz i have nth much else to do( at night of cuz, about 12-4am ), and to fulfill my emptyness, to make myself known out in that wide network, to be in that circle of acceptance.

Uncertainties always haunt us, we doubt ourselves able to survive in this big world. My future? Can i make it? What's ahead of us?? Not believing in oneself can really kills and get abandon right by the trash, not to be seen or spotted by anyone. And by tat time you are not suppose to expect angels wud come down frm heaven jz to show u the light.

After SAM ended, i never really wana think wat's my nxt step, where to go, what to do. I set my own mindset to think that all i can really work out is to do designing, which my parents totally go against. In their eyes, designing, cooking, drawing... all these are jz merely skills, and ur future is to be looked dwn by ppl. U will nvr gain power over others. So hospitality and tourism , graphics, multimedia designing or others relative ones are out of their lists. The more they say no, the more stubborn i get. To think again, am i jz trying to cover myself up, to blame them when i cudnt do well in the course they put me in or other problems that wud occur in the future, such as fail to earn a career, or to make myself success like i always planned to? And my dreams, that i hang on my lips all the time, but take no action into it, finding excuses for myself. Well, running from my responsibilities.

Frankly, I'm scared, jz a timid, coward masked hero who barks loud but aint useful at all. Even if my mum told me that by goin into A u can still do B, i din trust her. But recently i read this book by Richard Brandson ( Virgin owner, a billionaire!!) titled "Screw it, Let's Do it", a sentence which trumbled me "You don't have to go to art school to be a fashion designer. Join a fahion company and push a broom. Work your way up." This book was borrowed to me by my mum from her fren. This even proved her words right tat i wanted to deny. For i did not trust myself of havin the ability to made it up there without proper background. I wish i cud say it out loud(and mean it) Screw it Let's do it, but we got only one life, one chance for tat every moment, and if u ever screw it u might loose it 4eva! If i have a company with thousands of workers below me and million$ cmin in and out everyday, a bank acct with unlimited "resources" i might be able to say so. But what he seriously mean is tat we shud be daring to take the risks, to exploit our abilities, mistakes take us further in life, hlping us as a guide to the path we always wanted to walk on.

I havent finish this book yet, but i know it wud broaden my view by a hundred times?Anywayz, sat for a talk on mass com stuff 2day. Nvr thought Paul Moss wud be giving the speech! (All hail to P.M, ahaha!) what rings me the most of his speech (other than my ass cracking sound) was that "ppl hire ppl that want that job and wud do anythin for it, n not those who sat back waiting to be call" & "If u wan to achieve wat u want, go for it, volunteer 2 work for free, crash urself out, nth can hold u back as long as you are willing to do so" Ok so it wasnt tat touchy, but it knocks my head up again. Oh yea he even quote a phrase frm..sum1 famous tat i cudnt remember "the fittess survive" or later on written into" the strong ones live, the weak ones fall", but after those misconcept of this phrase, he again explain that it is not those who are strongest physically that win, but those who can adapt easily that survive the best" Ever notice simple few consonants and vowels cud be tat powerful? It can motivate, encourage at the same time hurt and even murdering one's life, heart, or wtv else .

*All above have been simplified, this whole blog cud go on till like..if u count it in pages, i guess about 10 pges?*

I duno wat im trying to express here, for it came frm an empty brain that u shudnt expect much. Jz tryin to throw out pieces of thoughts into this pathetic blog, so that one day when i read back, i;ll be laughin the hell out of me :) 

Crazy? yea, that's my one of my hundred names i call myself , secretly.

And to those who read this entire blog, i salute to u, u earn my respect, and made me really happy that wat i say does mean sumthing to u, at least it is worth a gram rather than nth. But at the same time, u are indeed, "EMPTY"